instepwithcolleen

Around my stethoscope hangs a small dull beaded bracelet. It has been there for six years. I was given the bracelet by a little girl who lost her battle with cancer.  Whenever I look at the dull beads I am reminded of Alexanne, and what she brought into my life.

I cared for Alexanne over a two year period of time. I saw her loose a kidney, have her leg amputated, and held the bucket when she threw up after her chemotherapy. I was there for her blood transfusions, I was there when she stood looking out of the window when her white blood cell count made us place her in isolation. I was there during it all. I was there when she finally couldn’t fight anymore, and took off the bracelet and told me take care of it. I was there when she died, and I was the one who took the red balloons from her room and released them, as the rising sun streaked the sky in pinks and golds. I stood there and watched the balloons as they drifted higher and higher until I couldn’t see them anymore. I thought of how Alexanne told me she was going to be in charge of the snow, because she wanted everyone to be able to lay in the snow and make snow angels.

the last night of her life I curled up on the bed with her, and told the  unresponsive girl in my lap, the story of Cinderella. I knew that this was Alexanne’s  favorite story, and this night I read it, knowing  would probably be the last time she would heard it from me. I told about the wicked step sisters tearing her gown, and how they laughed as they went off to the Ball. I told of the fairy godmother who created a coach from a pumpkin and coachmen from mice.Then I told Alexanne that the fairy godmother touched Cinderella’s dress and it turned into a beautiful blue gown with matching blue shoes.

I paused the story as a weak nudge and a tiny whisper came from Alexanne. I leaned in and a little voice said, “The dress is red.”  Iforgot that Alexanne’s favorite color was red. Then, a little voice brought tears to my eyes as she whispered, “Wear a red dress and shoes when you say goodbye.” Those were the last words little Alexanne spoke. Six hours later she was gone.

Alexanne’s life was short. she was diagnosed when she was five, just before school started. She died when she was one week before her seventh birthday. But this little girl packed every second with laughter, and jokes, and even when the bad days came, and there were plenty of bad days, she got through them.

The beads on her bracelet marked the good days, they marked the the bone biopsy, they marked the transfusions, the marked when her blood count was high enough that she could play in the day room with the other kids, and the last black bead mark when her cancer had metastasized to her brain.

Alexanne and her family drew strength from one another.  They faced the experiences they were given, and became stronger. The people who were touched by the chance to care for Alexanne were blessed far more than the heartache they felt at her loss. She made us all a little better, and certainly showed us that even a little child can teach us the way to live life to its fullness.

I told the other nurses Alexanne’a request for red dresses and shoes to be worn to her funeral. As it turned out of the more than 1000 people who came to say their goodbyes to Alexanne, there were many red outfits on. Instead of flowers, the front of the chapel was fill with red balloons.

After we left the chapel we went into a feild at the back of the church, and  about 3000 red balloons floated slowly up, up,up. Even as the  last reds faded out of sight, we stood there. Finally, we walked away in silence, each of us pondering our own mortality, and committed to live our lives alittle bit better.

Six years later the bead bracelet is still with me. It reminds be to strive to be the best that I can be. It reminds me that when things seem to drag me down, there is always hope for  a brighter day. It reminds me that it is what is within that makes us great. And it reminds me that I can do what ever is placed before me.

I just thought you’d like something that shows you what is REALLY important in life. Think about it folks. Until later…Colleen